>>HOODIE:KTZ<< >>TANKTOP:AMERICANAPPAREL<< >>BOOTS:OPENINGCEREMONY<< >>JEWELRY:VINTAGE;ANTIQUESTORES<< >>PANTS:THRIFTED<< >>CLUTCH:OAKNYC<< >>MESHTOP:EBAY<< >>CHOKER:DEANDRI<<
Happy Valentine's Day, aka Love Day, everyone! I'm here to share a special post because the last couple of weeks events in my personal life have made me view things differently and I really wanted to share my thoughts on things that are deeper outside of fashion.
It's not something I feel like is taboo to talk about because as I'm typing on my keyboard right now, a good kind of anxiety is growing inside my throat. I don't usually share a lot of my feelings to anyone besides my closest friends and family, but as of last Saturday, my grandpa, whom I love so much, has taken his time off this Earth at the impressive age of 92.
My grandpa, who I love so much, has passed on.
It was a shock. At first an underhanded emotional slap in the face. I received the news that he didn't have much time left right after this photoshoot, and it's a funny thing. My best friend, who has been there for me after several recent heartaches and headaches, had just spent the day with me and took these photos in Santa Monica where we confirmed our friendship was something so real so tangible and unwavering and beautiful and irreplaceable.
You take things for granted sometimes. You overlook, you put aside. Everything changes, everyone changes. At the same time, everything and everyone stays the same and he was someone I definitely looked up to, as a mentor and as someone that now as an adult realize was the best caretaker a 10 year old kid could ask for. He a wise teacher that I assumed would always be there to smile at me when I come home to visit from California. The drive back home was hardest. Seeing him in the bed, his face painted a look of utter peace, was easier.
He visited me in my dreams the other night. I woke up in tears, but happy tears, and that healed my heart a little. For the longest time I was so lost, so busy in my arbitrary habits that I failed to realize I have a lot of things to be grateful for. My family is so fucking important to me. They're the reason I have a life here in LA, that I'm following my dreams and goals.
After he left, and it all settled, I came to terms with my mortality. And I really need to figure out the next steps in my life. What are all the things I want to do, and how do I do it? What are some little goals I can start reaching to get to the bigger ones? How can I really milk this moment; being 24; being alive?
By doing the things I love and not stopping doing the things I love.
Love is the key to happiness, and as cliche as it sounds, it really is a verb. Love your friends. Love your family. And most importantly, love you-rself. It's easy to forget that sometimes. It can be as simple as treating yourself to a meal at wingstop on a Tuesday night. Or spending an extra dollar to get those cheese fries. No one's judging you; no one cares. As long as you're smart, and treat yourself and others with respect, do whatever the fuck you want to. Just do!
RIP Grandpa, I love you. I know you're in a better place!
xo
Jason
Photos by Franie
No comments:
Post a Comment